But I did manage to pull one more trick out of the bag on Sunday. This Bimaa sweater came about because Violet kept begging me for a "thunder" shirt to go with her lightning leggings, and I already had the hood sewn for something that wound up getting thrown in the trash. I set the hood aside and promised myself I'd find a use for it soon ( I didn't. Not for months, but I did produce a human in that time frame so, eh.......) I kinda love this hoodie. Love. It.
The knit that the hood is made from is so great. It's a hemp/organic cotton print I got at Bolt in Portland the last time we were there.
The gray sweater knit is from an old Gap sweater that my husband contributed to my fabric pile. Nice!
The metallic fabric is from the "performance" section at Joanns. You might think at first that kids picked it out, but it was all me.
For the graphic I just cut out a circle by tracing a bowl and traced around the same stencil I drew for making their lightning leggings. To keep it in place while I stitched it to the sweater I used wonder tape. It worked like a wonder.
Violet heartily approves of her sweater BTW. I stayed home from church to let the baby finish his nap, and sewed up the sweater while the rest of the family went out. Sewing, coffee, and nothing but the sound of David Crowder - not a bad way to spend my Sunday morning. Gotta say. It's not often I actually find myself alone. I was feeling like a major B when the kids left, and changed into a rather pleasant human being by the time they got back.
"Violet, make any face you want." ^^^^ This. And.......
THIS. I love you, Violet.
The past two weeks have been kind of a struggle for us as a family. Nothing serious or anything. Just a string of things that put strain on everyone/wear you out/test the nerves.
I hit a breaking point this morning that happens to me from time to time. Life just overwhelms me to a point where I feel like I'm doing everything terribly and can't even try anymore. Parenting. Keeping a home that's pleasant to live in. Being productive in a meaningful and organized way. You don't think these things are all that hard when you step into them. Then you feel the weight of the situation begin to creep up on you like when you're trying to hold your arm up in the air for a long time.
As I was scrubbing crushed and smeared oil pastel up off the floor and an upended office chair this morning, the baby was crying, and the mutants kept running through the pastel even though I was begging them to stop spreading the mess everywhere.....and I broke. "Maybe I'm not cut out for this." But there isn't much choice in the matter is there?
So I soldiered through and prayed. Tried to let myself off the hook for some of the things that were creating anxiety. Had another cup of coffee. Realized that I was probably making a big deal out of some things. Made salsa fresca and wiped down my kitchen counters. Life started looking more optimistic after a while.
Do you ever have days like that? What do you do?
It's disappointing every time I realize I'm not the fun parent I thought I would be. I try to do fun things with the kids, and I make fun things to stoke their imaginations and all of that. But the part of me that bursts forth a lot of the time is not fun. When I can't do anything but grip tightly and try my hardest to not let things spin into total chaos, I'm not fun. All of that and I still can't get my kids out of the house with brushed hair and clean faces!
It's hard to tell how far out of my funky mood I am yet. We'll find out as soon as the circus starts up again.
Oh man this made me cry a little bit (ducks head). I totally feel like that, more often than I care to admit. I desperately want to be that sweet, fun mom....and I am sometimes, but other times...not so much. I can't give any good advice because I'm right there with you. If I figure it out I'll let you know, ha. Love the sweatshirt by the way and next time you come to Portland I totally want to hang out with you :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for telling the truth about what it's like to be a mom! I feel the same way much of the time these days (we've got a 1.5-year-old and 3.5-year-old over here, and three is proving to be a rough age for all of us!). Also, yay, Bolt!
ReplyDeleteYep. Definitely. And OH how awful I feel when I lose my temper when all they're doing is being little kids! Some days are just harder than others. Good thing microbrews and early bedtimes exist sometimes, ya know? Also I love the Bimaa and I want you to live here all the time. We could have a pretty sweet little playdate group.
ReplyDeleteYessss! And I get through a wave, and feel like I've made some progress as a reasonable person. And then get even madder to find myself in that place again. Labor breathing is kinda my thing now. I guess that's the same as taking deep breaths- I just didn't have the need for it before kids that I do after. Just keeeep breathing....
ReplyDeleteI do know what you are talking about and I'm pretty sure that every mom does. We are just humans and like our kids we have those days that we are in a bad mood or can't stand things that aren't so different than the other days. However, i think that's ok. There's no super mom or so. We are trying our best, but it's good for our children to realize that sometimes we just can't...
ReplyDeleteOh yes do I ever know that feeling! Lots of deep breaths and some quiet time help to restore my sanity. And nap time. Heaven help me when they stop taking naps! That hoodie is completely fabulous by the way!
ReplyDeleteI have had at least two spectacular breakdowns on my kitchen floor where I questioned what the hell I was doing having kids in the first place. I let go. My kitchen is a mess, my living room is dusty, but I get to sew and do stuff that makes me happy in ways my day job does not. It will get better, the kids will get older, they will be able to help out more and share the load (that they create ;) and everyone will be fine. And eventually the toddler will sleep better and I won't have a permanent indentation in my back from her cheap mattress.
ReplyDeleteWe've all been there as moms, wives - heck, just as individuals. I don't know that it really gets easier, but I think the periods of self-recrimination go quicker and tend to become fewer as the kids get older. Mine are 16 and 13 and I still have those times when I just beat myself up because I haven't been the mom I always thought I would be and I haven't been able to do and give them all that I would like to, but then I think about some of the good moments and I know that I have given them my unconditional love and that's the most important thing. Just know that as long as they know that they are loved, you are doing just fine. For me, it's okay if things need to be dusted (still), or maybe the floor really could use a good mopping instead of the quick lick and a promise cleaning that it's gotten the last 2 (or 5 or 6) times. Maybe my house won't make the pages of Architectural Digest or Good Housekeeping, but my kids know I love them. They know that I will be at there school events as much as I can and that I support them in their interests.
ReplyDeleteJust know that you are definitely not alone. We've all been there. Having even a few minutes alone can do wonders for your soul. It is not easy being a parent, but then the best things in life are never truly easy.
If I had a blog, it would totally be a copy of yours, haha. I have three kids, 5, going on 4, and 1, so really close to your kids' ages. I totally feel like I am drowning in chaos the vast majority of the time. Why won't my house just STAY clean? Anyway, I totally feel for you. And I love the sweater.
ReplyDeleteAnd ouchy on the mastitis, no fun at ALL!
DeleteI sew after work.
ReplyDelete